Do You Actually Need an Engagement Ring?
No. An engagement is a promise, not a purchase, and many couples go straight to 2 wedding bands instead. The ring is a custom, not something you must buy.
No. An engagement ring is a custom rather than a rule, and plenty of couples skip it and go straight to 2 wedding bands instead. What matters is the promise you make, and how you choose to mark it. If you do want a ring, nothing says it has to be a diamond.
What can you give instead of an engagement ring?
Instead of an engagement ring, couples give a plain band, a piece of jewellery that is not a ring at all, a reset heirloom stone, or nothing physical whatsoever. A simple wedding band worn on the engagement finger is the most common substitute we see. Some people give a watch, a locket or a bracelet. Others put the money towards the wedding, a deposit or a trip.
A promise ring is the other route people take, particularly where a proposal is not the right step yet. It carries its own conventions about wording and timing, and our guide to what to say giving a promise ring covers those. If you are the one who would like to be given one, how to ask for a promise ring takes the other side of the conversation.
Do you still need a wedding band if you skip the engagement ring?
A wedding band is a separate decision from the engagement ring, and skipping one does not commit you to skipping the other. Most couples who go without an engagement ring still exchange bands at the ceremony, because the band is the part the ceremony itself is built around. Some wear no rings at all and always have. Both are ordinary choices, not statements.
Going straight to bands has a practical advantage worth knowing. Two bands bought together can be made to match in metal, width and finish, which is much harder to arrange when an engagement ring came first and the band has to be shaped around it. The question of whether the two rings share a size is covered in whether both rings need the same size.
Why did the engagement ring become expected at all?
The engagement ring became expected through a mixture of very old custom and very modern advertising. Betrothal rings are ancient, and versions of them appear across Roman and mediaeval Europe long before diamonds were involved. What is recent is the idea that the ring must contain a diamond and must cost a set share of someone’s income. That expectation was manufactured in the twentieth century.
We will not put a figure on how many couples now buy one, because no reliable public source measures it in the UK and any number you see quoted is guesswork. What we can say from the workshop is that the rules people believe in are softer than they think. Whether diamonds still dominate is worked through in whether diamond engagement rings are still popular.
What do couples spend the money on instead?
Couples who skip the engagement ring most often move the money to the wedding, to a house deposit, or to a single better ring bought later. None of those is a lesser choice. A ring is a purchase that has to compete with everything else you are saving for, and a couple who buy one plain band each and put the difference into a deposit have not failed at anything.
The table below sets out the usual alternatives and what each one actually costs with us, so the comparison is against real numbers rather than a rule of thumb. All prices are correct at the time of writing and all our centre stones are lab-grown, which is why they sit well below the natural-diamond equivalents.
| Instead of an engagement ring | What it usually is | Price from |
|---|---|---|
| A plain wedding band each | Two matching bands, no centre stone | £489 |
| One simple solitaire | A single lab-grown stone, claw set | £563 |
| A minimalist stone-set ring | Narrow band, small centre stone | £587 |
| Reset an heirloom stone | Your own stone, our new mount | Quoted per job |
Is it better to choose an engagement ring together?
Choosing an engagement ring together avoids the two problems a surprise ring creates: the wrong size and the wrong taste. At the bench, resizing and remounting a surprise ring is routine work, and it is work nobody enjoys paying for twice. A ring chosen together is also worn more, which is the only measure of a ring that really counts.
The middle path a lot of people take is to propose with something simple and design the real ring afterwards, calmly and to the right size. That keeps the surprise and removes the guesswork. A borrowed ring, a cheap band or a ribbon have all been used for the moment itself by customers who then came to us to design the real thing together, and none of them came back wishing they had guessed at a size instead.
How much does an engagement ring cost if you want one?
An engagement ring with a lab-grown centre stone starts at around £500 with us and most of our range sits between £550 and £1,150, with prices correct at the time of writing. A natural diamond of the same size, colour and clarity would cost several times more, which is the single biggest reason our customers choose lab-grown. There is no correct amount to spend.
The old advice about spending a set number of months’ salary came from advertising, not from any measured standard, and we would not repeat it to a customer. Buy what you can pay for comfortably. To put real numbers against that, the solitaire round cut ring in white gold is £563 and the minimalist round cut engagement ring is £587.
Which ring should you buy if you only buy one?
If you only buy one ring, buy the wedding band, because it is the ring that gets worn every day for decades and the one the ceremony is built around. A plain band in solid gold or platinum will outlast a stone-set ring with less maintenance and no claws to check. Add a stone-set ring later if you want one, or never.
Our minimalist round cut wedding band is £687 and is the plainest thing we make with a stone in it. Whether rings are needed at all is answered honestly in whether wedding rings are necessary at all, and what happens to an engagement ring on the day itself is covered in what to do with your engagement ring during. You can compare both ranges in our engagement ring collection and our wedding ring collection.
Frequently asked questions
Can you propose without a ring?
Yes, and it is more common than the films suggest. A proposal is a question, and nothing about asking it requires an object in your hand. Couples who propose without a ring often choose one together afterwards, which removes the size and taste problems in one go. If you want something to hand over, a plain band works perfectly well.
Is it odd to buy the ring together afterwards?
No, it is completely ordinary, and a large share of the rings we make are chosen by both people. Buying together means the size is measured properly, the shape suits the hand, and nobody spends money on a design that will be quietly resized later. The surprise moves from the object to the moment, which most people prefer.
Do both partners need a ring?
No. Some couples exchange two engagement rings, some exchange none, and some have one person wearing a ring while the other does not. There is no arrangement here that is standard and no arrangement that is odd. Decide it between you, and remember that whatever you choose can change later without anything being undone.
Do you need rings for a courthouse wedding?
No ring is needed for a register office or courthouse ceremony as a matter of practice, and many couples marry without exchanging one. Whether a ring exchange forms part of your ceremony is something you arrange with the registrar when you book. We do not give legal advice, so ask the office itself what your ceremony will include.
Can a wedding band be used as an engagement ring?
Yes, and it is a sensible choice for anyone who dislikes a raised stone. A plain or stone-set band worn on the engagement finger does the job perfectly, and it can later move to the other hand or stay where it is. Many people who start this way never buy a second ring at all.
Is it wrong not to have an engagement ring?
No. An engagement ring is a custom, and customs vary by family, by country and by decade, so there is no version of this that counts as wrong. Couples who skip it are not cutting a corner and are not making a statement unless they want to be. Nobody but the two of you needs a reason.
More guides on this topic
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